Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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