I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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