Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
