so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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