So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
