Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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