Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize