hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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