Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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