thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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