She is in my trunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
