I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
