...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
