He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
