chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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