Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
