So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
