And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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