i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
