dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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