This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
