its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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