I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
