When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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