She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
