I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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