Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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