dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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