K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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