I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
