...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
