: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
