I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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