eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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