You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
