We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
