i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize