He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
