so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
