ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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