I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
