just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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