Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
