my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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