I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
