Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
