I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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