We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
