Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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