I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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