Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
