If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
