I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
