Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
