So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize