Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
