If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
