Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
