I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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