You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
