Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
