He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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