i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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