Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
