Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I intend to get homeless drunk
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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