I didn't shave. On purpose
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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