GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
