I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
