Don't make out with my wife yet
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
