my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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