Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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