How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
