i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
