I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize