Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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