Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
