I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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