So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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