I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
